Maybe Matilda: How much does a hipster weigh?

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

How much does a hipster weigh?

(An instaGRAM! Get it? GET IT? Thanks to my sister for that one. Gold, pure gold.)

(Another hipster joke, because they are hilarious: why did the hipster burn his tongue?)

(Because he drank his coffee before it was cool. HA! Hipster nonsense!)

(Did you not click that link? Shame on you. Go back, click it, watch and learn from my hero, and imagine Liz Lemon anytime I, or anyone else, ever mentions a hipster ever again.)

I’ve been on instagram for a while but don’t seem to have ever mentioned it here. And the excessive pictures of my child are piling up on there, so I thought I’d spread a few out here. Nice thing about using instagram: things I would have had to sit and write an entire blog post about can now be snapped and captioned and are ready to go. Bad thing about using instagram: why sit and write an entire blog post about something that one sentence fragmented caption adequately covers? I’ve hardly known what to post about lately—everything I would have said is already instagrammed, so if you’d like, you can follow me there (codename: maybematilda. There’s a shocker!).

To start, perhaps you’ll recall that my sweet, appreciative, loving and grateful child hates everything I make for him, with the partial exception of his crocheted owl, who he briefly loved, then ripped a hole in, and has subsequently ignored. Because I am obviously a slow learner, I continue crocheting things for him that he continues to despise. Such as this darling little grandpa sweater that I spent weeks crocheting, only to have him put up an impressive toddler-sized battle when I tried it on him, then melt into a sobbing lump of tantrum while pulling ferociously at the sleeves and neck in an attempt to get that hideous thing off his person. I give up.

Speaking of hipster nonsense, Forrest was into these glasses before you were. He’d tell you the name of the store where he bought them, but you’ve probably never heard of it, it’s really obscure.

Please look past the hilarious gopher face that my son is making in the following picture, and tell me if I can get away with wearing a hat like this?

While we’re on the topic of things I’m not entirely sure I can get away with or not, these two items also belong on the list: tied shirts and maxi skirts. Either way, I’m doing it. I used Make It and Love It’s maxi skirt refashion idea to turn an unloved, awkwardly-fitting maxi dress into a skirt with a shirred waistband. Hadn’t ever tried shirring before this morning, but it was fun and rather easy! Check out Make It and Love It’s shirring tutorial if you’ve never tried it before.

And we’ll wrap up this waste-of-your-time-I’m-sorry-about-that post with my favorite instagram picture so far . . .

Someone needs a bigger pool. I gave him a bowl of water to play in while I cooked dinner, and glanced out a minute later to see him trying to cram every possible body part into the bowl. Guess what he’ll be getting for his birthday? (A bigger bowl!)

There you have it. Follow maybematilda on instagram if you need to increase your daily dose of nonsense. And Forrest. And awkward self-portraits in the mirror. I promise all that and nothing more.


  1. YES to the hat!! I wish I could wear one and be a cool hipster like you...

  2. Hipsters and Liz Lemon and your cute kid. This post is amazing.

    I think Forrest and Ike are going to form a support group titled "Instagram is ruining our lives."

  3. Oh man, I love Liz Lemon! And you can totally pull of that hat. You should wear it for those of us who look silly in hats!

  4. I was drinking a soda when I was reading this post and I almost spit it out when I saw the picture of Forrest in a bowl! Too funny! Thanks for the laugh! And the hat is cute too. :)

  5. I need to be in the Instagram support group too. The pic in the bucket might be my all-time fave Insta-pic ever!!!

  6. I need to be in the Instagram support group too. The pic in the bucket might be my all-time fave Insta-pic ever!!!

  7. Those jokes were pretty funny thanks for the laugh :)

  8. Those jokes were pretty funny thanks for the laugh :)

  9. That last picture is awesome, not that the others aren't, but it takes the cake!

  10. Look what you've done! I have tears in my eyes from laughing at that last pic. I have one of J crammed into a small basket, but the nakedness (?) makes it a million times funnier.

  11. I loved this entire post... and yes, you can pull off the hat. What a creative little son you have. Hipster jokes are great :)

  12. I love your blog more than any other blog in the history of blogs! I am laughing so hard right now!

    1. Yeah that 'pool' is awesome. My wife has the best blog (bloggity blog),but you made me chuckle as well. Love the hipster digs.

    2. I have a SERIOUS girl crush on your wife. Her blog is my favorite. I try to keep my comments/twitter mentions to a minimum so as not to creep her out.

  13. I so know what you mean about not knowing what you can pull off. Looks good to me?! The last pic is, yes, the best instagram I have ever seen. I don't have a smart phone, so I can't follow you, or I would.


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