(Sorry for my absence lately—internet issues. I think we’re good now.)
Me: You’re a silly kid, Forrest.
Forrest: (indignant) No I’m not! I’m just myself!!
My grandma was in town recently, and it’s the first time Forrest has seen her since we flew to New York for my grandpa’s funeral a year ago. Forrest has been curious about why great-grandma is visiting, but great-grandpa isn’t, so we’ve had some chats about death, which I feel terrifically unprepared for.Me: Well, when great grandpa died, his body stayed here but his spirit went up to heaven.
Forrest: . . . where was his spirit before he died?
Me: It was inside of him. His spirit is who he is, and his body is just the outside.
Forrest: . . . his spirit is inside? Like with his bones?
Me: I guess so, yeah.
Forrest: (after a pause) Ok well next time we go to Daddy’s office I am going to take an x-ray of myself so I can see my spirit.
After I came out of the bathroom . . . Forrest: What were you doing in there??
Me: Going to the bathroom.
Forrest: NO, you were not, because you do not have a butt.
Forrest: Girls do not have butts, and they cannot poop.
On the phone with Jeff, Forrest overheard me say ‘stupid,’ which he has learned is not a nice word. Feel free to use your naughtiest swear words in his presence since he has no idea what they mean, but heaven help you if you say 'stupid.'Forrest: MAMA!!! You said a very bad word!
Me: Oh, right. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.
Forrest: Are you a mean girl? NO. So you should NOT be saying mean things like that.
Me: You’re right.
Forrest: If you say that bad word again, I will say, ‘Mama, you are a potato head,’ because a potato head is what we call someone who is not nice. Don’t be a potato head.
At Target, I owed Forrest a treat and tried to talk him into gummy worms, which he declined in favor of Swedish fish (the worst! whose kid is this?!). So I obviously had no choice but to buy the gummy worms for myself anyway. In the car on the way home, while each of us ate our own candy:Forrest: These fishy candies are delicious!!Me: Good, I’m glad you like them.
Forrest: How are your snails?
Me: . . . what?
Forrest: I said how are your gummy snails?
Out of nowhere:Forrest: I think girls are cute.
Me: . . . yeah? Do you know what ‘cute’ means?
Forrest: Cute means sooooooooo beautiful. I think girls are cute and it is my superhero power to hug them!